Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
