Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
