he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
This is the high leading the old right now
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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