Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
