we're chasing vodka with high fives
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
