she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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