at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
