Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
