Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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