Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
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