we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
