I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
