he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
