So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm at about main and main street
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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