can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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