He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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