theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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