Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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