there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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