you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
