and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Randomize