What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
