pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize