I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
