I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
