And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
