i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
