worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
