so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We don't watch enough power rangers
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Panties = found
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
