rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It's not a walk of shame if you run
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
