What did I eat last night that was bloody?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Your cock deserves a montage
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
