i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
