I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
