the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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