Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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