Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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