I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
