I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
