dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
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