are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
