Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
