hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
