Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
