Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
