I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
