I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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