We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
