You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
