I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
