Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
