I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
