I skipped work to stalk him.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
