just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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