Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
