A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize