just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
