Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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