Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
