I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My liver just had a heart attack.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
