Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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