Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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