I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
