I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Girls should come with a carfax report
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
