He is an equal opportunity slut.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
