Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
