i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
