Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
